Corner Booth

Kings Island had it's Mercy Hospital day yesterday and all the employees got to go for free. As an employee at said hospital, I was in attendance. Growing up, I could see the Eiffel Tower from my back yard and I spent much of my summers following girls around the park...too afraid to actually approach them. Various observations came to mind as I once again strolled down the sticky blacktop of my youth. Memories of my childhood rushed to mind in a montage of joy as I entered the park. The smell of funnel cake and the sight of mullet-sporting-tank-top-wearing-rednecks flooded my senses. I was home. My co-workers and I soon found, though, that this was a mere shadow of the park we remembered.

First off, and I know that it has been gone for ages, we began reminiscing about the Smurf Ride. Oh how it is missed. Shoddy animatronics and disease-infested waters, children cringing in fear as Gargamel gave unrealistic commands to his cat, Azriel, sitting down in a puddle of what you prayed was water on your seat and not thinking twice about what a rip off this was of Disney's "It's A Small World," ...those were the days.

Second, The King Cobra is gone (again, I know it's been a while). The anticipation of knowing you were about to ride a roller coaster while standing up (what'll they think of next?) Wedging your genitalia into the same crotch-space you just saw a 300 pound woman in daisy-dukes get out of. Walking off the ride directly into a strategically placed gift shop full of overpriced t-shirts of accomplishment. The experience was unparalleled.

That's not to say that the park has completely changed. The LaRosa's Pizza at King's Island is still the best tasting in the city (and for the price per slice they're damn lucky it is). Riding the Racer backwards is still waaaay better than forwards. They still play the Top Gun theme music while walking 1.5 miles to the ride of the same name, and it's still a really fun ride despite being far too short. It's still fun to flick off the cameras on the Vortex, and The Beast is still the greatest rollercoaster in the world (rivaled only by the Aerosmith Rollercoaster at Disney, and I'll have words with anyone that says otherwise). And of course, there are still obnoxious drunks running their mouths too loud and ruining the fun for everyone else...except this time it was us.
Much Love,
Bo