Corner Booth

CNN.com is always good for a laugh. Some people read it to get their daily information on the events of the world...I read it to get my jollies. I just read an article that stated Rush Limbaugh was detained in an airport after security found a bottle of Viagra in his luggage that did not have his name on it. Apparently the bottle had the name of a Doctor on it, which Limbaugh's attorney states was done "for privacy purposes." Oops. Chuck that little scheme right out the damn window. I do find it reassuring, though, that authorities are able to stop the relentless erection-machine that is Rush Limbaugh. It'd be a shame if they wasted their time stopping the ridiculous amounts of Cocaine being shipped to this country on a daily basis. No, no, their time is much better spent stopping political analysts from walking around at half-mast like they're the cock of the walk (tee-hee-hee...cock). You can read about Mr. Limbaugh's embarrassing detainment by clicking on the heading of this blog. May you find it as bonerific as I did.
Much Love,
Bo

I am currently watching Ghana celebrate their victory over the United States after watching 90+ minutes of grueling soccer. I can't even see straight right now. I'm absolutely pissed...nay, enraged at the result of this game. Had the Unites States won they would move on into the quarter finals, but shit just didn't work out.

First, I now hate Ghana. Hate 'em. Soccer is a sport that is known for players taking "dives" and pretending to be hurt when the opposing player even comes close to touching them. It's a given, even in the U.S. That being said, I have NEVER seen so many players take dives and waste time as I did by Ghana in this game. It was a chicken-shit way to win the game.

Second, there was a call made at the end of the first half that directly led to the second, and deciding, goal for the Ghana Black Stars. Onyewu (American defender) cleared a header from the box and bumped into a Ghana striker, didn't shove him, didn't slam him, bumped him. Ghana striker takes dive, ref awards a penalty kick, U.S. back down by one goal. Bullshit.

Third, to the American Captain, Claudio Reyna....YOU DO NOT DRIBBLE OUT OF THE DEFENSIVE THIRD!!! Doing so will result in a goal for the other team...as it did today. That's shit we learn when we're like 10.

Fourth, U.S. offense...I'm sure the team is very sorry they forgot to pack you for the trip to Germany. One goal in three games is absolutely ridiculous.

Okay, I feel better...and hey, only four more years until the next World Cup. Shit.

Much Love,
Bo

Kings Island had it's Mercy Hospital day yesterday and all the employees got to go for free. As an employee at said hospital, I was in attendance. Growing up, I could see the Eiffel Tower from my back yard and I spent much of my summers following girls around the park...too afraid to actually approach them. Various observations came to mind as I once again strolled down the sticky blacktop of my youth. Memories of my childhood rushed to mind in a montage of joy as I entered the park. The smell of funnel cake and the sight of mullet-sporting-tank-top-wearing-rednecks flooded my senses. I was home. My co-workers and I soon found, though, that this was a mere shadow of the park we remembered.

First off, and I know that it has been gone for ages, we began reminiscing about the Smurf Ride. Oh how it is missed. Shoddy animatronics and disease-infested waters, children cringing in fear as Gargamel gave unrealistic commands to his cat, Azriel, sitting down in a puddle of what you prayed was water on your seat and not thinking twice about what a rip off this was of Disney's "It's A Small World," ...those were the days.

Second, The King Cobra is gone (again, I know it's been a while). The anticipation of knowing you were about to ride a roller coaster while standing up (what'll they think of next?) Wedging your genitalia into the same crotch-space you just saw a 300 pound woman in daisy-dukes get out of. Walking off the ride directly into a strategically placed gift shop full of overpriced t-shirts of accomplishment. The experience was unparalleled.

That's not to say that the park has completely changed. The LaRosa's Pizza at King's Island is still the best tasting in the city (and for the price per slice they're damn lucky it is). Riding the Racer backwards is still waaaay better than forwards. They still play the Top Gun theme music while walking 1.5 miles to the ride of the same name, and it's still a really fun ride despite being far too short. It's still fun to flick off the cameras on the Vortex, and The Beast is still the greatest rollercoaster in the world (rivaled only by the Aerosmith Rollercoaster at Disney, and I'll have words with anyone that says otherwise). And of course, there are still obnoxious drunks running their mouths too loud and ruining the fun for everyone else...except this time it was us.
Much Love,
Bo