Corner Booth

Dear Solid White K*Swiss Kicks,
I was the subject of an intervention last night. Innocently talking with my friends at a party, I suddenly found myself, literally, trapped by three of them in a corner. There was nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide. For the next half hour of my life I took a verbal beating, and all because...I dig wearing you whenever possible. They began beating around the bush, saying that you were okay in certain situations, but soon they got right to the point and told me, basically, I should never wear you again...under any circumstance, because you are chick repellents. Harsh. The more I tried to defend you, the deeper I dug my hole. I found this especially odd, since you weren't even with us last night, you were at home, taking a much deserved night off. I was upset that they were talking so much shit behind your back and called them cowards for not stating their convictions to your face, but they were relentless.
Maybe I do spend too much time with you. I realize now that wearing you with jeans, a sports jacket, and my Mets cap is probably in bad taste. But when we met, roughly a year and a half ago, we spent the majority of our time together in the hospital and you never really got to see the world outside those white walls. I just wanted to show you that there was so much more out there, and for that I am persecuted.
I know it may seem like I'm giving up on you without much of a fight, but I can assure you that is far from the truth. If it was just Mark talking shit about you I would tell him to piss off and then laugh at him for worrying about another man's shoes. It's not just Mark, though, it's also Kristina and Emily...and I realize now that the three of them are only looking out for me. I had mentioned possibly getting another pair of K*Swiss, with some color in them, but that idea was promptly dismissed as Kristina said," Let's just get the K*Swiss idea out of your head." Apparently she's a K*Swiss-ist...sad that in this day and age bigotry can still exist and make me change my choice of footwear...but it does and has. You're back on hospital duty...sorry guys.
Much Love,
Bo