Corner Booth

Ummm...yeah, dude we need to talk. So I know you've been having a good time recently, and I really think that's great don't get me wrong, it's just that...well you're pretty much fucking it up for the rest of us. You see, you've completely taken Sunday Bo out of the picture...just gone. After you spend the better part of Friday and Saturday night in a drunken stupor he has to lay in bed all day on Sunday in order to try recuperate. During this time he often thinks up ridiculous schemes on how to counteract your treachery, things like eating better, exercising, losing weight and cutting back on the drinking...preposterous. That's another thing...you're making us fat now. There was a time when you could rule the roost and the rest of us just sat back and allowed it because we recovered from hang-overs with remarkable ease and our metabolism was faster than Michael Jackson watching Home Alone (too soon?) Such is no longer the case. If not for Monday Morning Bo's amazing rationalization skills we very well could be working out in order to lose some of your beer weight, which would make us tired, thank goodness for him. Oh and another thing, remember how we all agreed that we didn't want to meet our next romantic interest while in a bar??? Well how do you expect to keep up your end of this when that's the only place you spend your time??? You're supposed to be the power player in this endeavor and you're dropping the ball douche bag (sorry, Sunday Bo got ahold of the key board for a second...he's still a little bitter).
Now, we were hoping we wouldn't have to bring this up but it may be time. We hereby revoke your phone priveleges after 12:00 midnight on both Friday and Saturday nights. I know, I know...you think this is unfair, and you're really gonna hate it when you're under the influence, but it's really for the best of all of us. Sunday Bo has officially given up on even trying to clean up your messes (God bless him he tried for years with little progress) and it has, hence, fallen upon the rest of us (often in a group effort). It's becoming ridiculous and you know, as we all do, that the time and effort we expense fixing your fuck ups is totally inproportionate to how much we should actually care about the people we call. STOP FUCKING CALLING THEM!!! From now on when the rest of us realize relationships with certain people are horrific, insane ideas you're gonna have to start listening to us.
Finally, remember all those classes that we've taken over the past couple of years??? No??? Well I'm sure we've told you about them...dude yes we have...alright shut up and listen... we're pretty sure that you're drinking away all the knowledge that we've absorbed. It's really getting on Tuesday Morning Bo's nerves cuz it's fucking up his test taking abilities. So that's just another incentive to calm down just a bit.
Alright well some of us have some responsibilities so I'm gonna have to go study now. Please, please, please try not to erase everything I learn this weekend. If we don't study we won't get a job and then we won't be able to pay for your unquenchable lust for stupidity...wrap that one around the last few remaining brain cells you have left.
Much Love,
Monday Night Bo
P.S. Stop trying to take Wednesday Night Bo under your wing, you know he can't sing or play guitar when he's been drinking.